I'm settling down now. For the time being. And I did find a book, but it was dusty from my bookshelf. My old friend, Madeleine L'Engle, talking about stuff I was asking 15 years ago.
A Circle of Quiet. Good writing makes me want to write. But I'm not kidding myself, this is pure catharsis for me. Journaling with accountability. L'Engle talks here about intuitive language and I share that. She speaks of all of it being said before and probably more skillfully. But like her I want to say it too and in my way.
I appreciate my church so much. I need them. They too settle me down when I am a mess of questions. Tim and I have been going to the Youth Service, called the Core, for about two years now. It was rough at first and we went, just in the hope that if we stuck it out with the dream of what it could be strapped to us, somehow we'd get to the place the vision points to.
We're there. The glory is peeking out. Chris is able to say things and challenge us now that we're not so tender. We are past the experiment stage and we are really settling down into the familiar that can foster change. We seem to not be re-acting to grumbling, but accepting our faults and giving grace.
This kind of thing takes time!
It takes us letting the unuseful old attitudes gracefully fall to the ground and the repetition of the needed Word resonate over and over. We set our face to the day-after-forgiveness. We agree about good and how we all want it. And we don't leave. Maybe some are sent out, but we don't leave. And here again I am reminded that the Word is spiritual. Then comes the creation, the natural. Then God said God said (spiritual) ...and then there was light (natural)
I am trying to be patient. This is my spiritual act of worship. Today was grace to feel some sense of perspective, but I am moving on ahead already. I am home, but on a great quest.
"My heart went out to Him as He spoke" SS 5:6