"as long as i know how to love i know i'll stay alive"
I think I heard this in the airwaves as we ate together this afternoon. Matt was sitting across from Karin. The dynamic at the table was gracful for him even though He could hardly look at me 'cause I had to lay down the parental.
Laying down the parental means telling the boy what needs to be said to him in spite of how cool I am. We are usually on the same side of the political landscape of our home, but I had to remind him of a few things. I am convinced, that even though he is all of 14, (pause and think of that! -how insufferable) he should treat house guests which had arrived that morning with more than a silent stare. I must teach him.
So I was making my point at the table with an uncharacteristically heavy hand. I've been a single parent this past week.
To add to the parental duties, is the College Dorm Shopping.
I am too young for this.
We are at times taken for sisters. But today I am clearly the ol' Mum.
It physically hurt. I would be waiting for her at the end of the shampoo isle, the towel isle, the small electronics isle. I tried to straighten up from my slump over the cart in time as she approached. I tried to keep the deep sighs from reaching her ears. I had moments of transcendence and grace in which to forget that she is moving out. I had singular moments where I was not aware that this part of her life is over and I'm disappearing from the Role I once played.
Something is coming after all this, but I don't like it. So I will go for a drive and listen to MJB.
The soul, the soul, it must be all good for the soul.