Sunday, September 11, 2005

It seems that God is always about the new thing. "Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?"
This is where I take a deep breath. Don't I love new friendships, babies and someone at my door?
But if I really am honest with myself, I am impatient and terrified by new things. I don't know the pattern. The new thing has to fit into some reference of the former; my history.
When I met my husband, we discovered we were from the same town and had grown up only a 5 minute walk from each other. A new thing, but a history that framed us from 500+ miles distance.
When I discovered the Reality of the Scriptures; itself a new thing by they're Spiritual nature, they were in reference to my history of Jesus folklore from my childhood.
I found something so new and beautiful at Soliton, but I am terrified by it thin and fragile frame.
To others, the frame may be bold and compelling. But I took in all that my ears and heart could hear and I am left shaken. I was not aware of the accountabilty to scripture. A new theology, but in reference to what? The ideas that were explored were out of my framework. My black and white unpopular unPC framework. Not all, but enough that I am having a hard time trusting. How can I take in the ideas and not the Soul Individuals that freely create them? This is touching on my co-dependancy. I want to take care of them. I am grieving over the gap I fear.
I am asked to make relationship with precious hurting urban people, to not turn from them.
I am losing courage. People are hard to hang with! I am writing my own song of lament. Micheal Card has written of this.
Psalm 119 touches on this. I want people to be heard and accepted and loved, but as Jesus would. Now even who He is has come into question.
Blessed is the man who does not fall away on account of me. Matthew 11:6

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