Sunday, January 22, 2006

Still Soliton

So, four months later, I am still wondering about Soliton.
Soliton, a gathering of seeking believers in Ventura last year, still much to my dismay is having it's ripple effect upon me. I am asking all the same questions as the rest of the group, but not at all liking the continuous loose end. Here is my first impression, written the day I got home, freshly nudged to Blog:

....I found something so new and beautiful at Soliton, but I am terrified by it thin and fragile frame.
To others, the frame may be bold and compelling. But I took in all that my ears and heart could hear and I am left shaken. I was not aware of the accountabilty to scripture. A new theology, but in reference to what? The ideas that were explored were out of my framework. My black and white unpopular unPC framework. Not all, but enough that I am having a hard time trusting. How can I take in the ideas and not the Soul Individuals that freely create them? This is touching on my co-dependancy. I want to take care of them. I am grieving over the gap I fear.
I am asked to make relationship with precious hurting urban people, to not turn from them.
I am losing courage. People are hard to hang with! I am writing my own song of lament. Micheal Card has written of this.
Psalm 119 touches on this. I want people to be heard and accepted and loved, but as Jesus would.
Now even who He is has come into question.
Blessed is the man who does not fall away on account of me. Matthew 11:6

So today, I know as much as then.
Soliton gleamed such promise for me, and gave me a warning. Show me what you got from it.
I must have a huge blind spot...
Show me Christ and I can see you clearly.
Show me what He sees and I will trust it.
Lay your answer down deep in this Man and I will follow you.
Lay your mystery down deep in this Man and I will live there.

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